16 March 2006

OK, my first long post, here we go!

So, it's been a bit since I've written anything. I've been busy thinking, and working. For those that don't know, I run the warehouse for a small company. I do all the shipping, receiving, inventory control, some manufacturing, and anything else they can think of telling me to do. It's been very busy, we just launched 4 new products, so there's been getting those prepared, special promo packs to ship, and marketing materials to get in the hands of our sales reps. I've been spending a lot of time at work, and there's times where I don't get to spend enough time with my family. So I got to thinking, which is one of the things I can do while I work.

There's been a lot to think about. There's the topics of some of the blogs I read, they get me thinking. I start thinking about the way my life has developed, the things that have shaped who I am. Then I think about who I am, and what needs to change.

[side note - isn't funny how there's always something that needs to change? It doesn't matter who you talk to, they always say that there's stuff that needs to change]

I think about my dreams, what would be great to be able to do. The pipe dreams, the fun stuff, the things that have meaning, the things that are meaningless.

There's too much to think about. But then, on top of it all, I start analyzing it all, trying to see where different choices will end up. Trying to find out which dreams are wise, and which are not. Trying to see which of these is easy to realize, which are hard, and which are impossible. I've never been much of one to take the easiest route, but I'd much rather do that which is right.

I also find it interesting that I'm not alone in this, it seems that there are many people examining their lives, searching for something more. Trying to find that place or thing that defines them best. We all have this need to feel like we are where we are supposed to be, that sense of belonging. Of being in a place of our own. Be it a home, a job, a vocation, a hobby, a mission, a confession. We all want something of our own, something that is special and unique, at least to us. A way to express ourselves, to take all that we are and put it to use. Each of us is unique, and there is this one place/situation/context to which we are best suited.

For myself, I've found that I can be useful almost anywhere. I've learned a little about alot, I can contribute anywhere. I learn fast. Usually, I can get along with almost anyone. So what does that mean about where I belong? Just about anywhere. There goes the idea that there is a place for me, other than one that I create for myself. So what defines me? Is is my abilities, do I have a special skill? Nope, I'm an average player at every game. No brilliant scientist here, no amazing musician, no gifted artist. Although I enjoy a lot of things, I'll never be the best at anything.

So what is it that defines me? What I look like? I've had facial hair for over 15 years already, I suppose that defines me. But usually I'll shave that off a couple of times a year to remind me why I have one (nasty baby face, I need something to hide behind). So sure, that's who I am, but it's a pretty shallow way of looking at things.

Is who I am defined by my confession? Sure, I'm a Christian. That can be narrowed down to me being an evangelical protestant. But after that, I am hard to peg down in a sense. I know what I believe, but that changes and develops as my understanding fo Scripture changes and develops. There isn't a single denomination that I could say "there's something that I agree with 100%". Not to say that I think they are all wrong, I'm not going to start judging that, it's not my place. But what I see in all the denominations are the many different colours that are expressed in one family. Each provides a place for members of the family to feel comfortable (side note - the topic of whether or not we should feel comfortable is one that could take forever to discuss, but maybe we will start that one soon).

So where does that leave me? There seems to be no cut and clear place for me, other than if I make a place for myself. So that is where I am right now. As far as I can understand, I need to make a place for myself. If there is a place for me to belong, it will be a place of my own making. So that's where I am right now, but the hard part is deciding what it will be.

If anyone has any suggestions, words of wisdom, or just something to say, feel free to leave a comment.

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