02 March 2006

First steps on a square foot

So I have decided something. I won't be using this for personal entertainment. I won't be experimenting, much. Other than that, I suppose there is a lot of other stuff to explore. One thing is for sure, there isn't much that I consider too sacred for discussion. There isn't much I consider too risque for modest discussion. I like some form of resolution, even if it means that we agree to disagree.

If there is one thing I need more of in my life, it's reality. Not that I have been avoiding reality, but I want to me more real. Less pretense. Less putting on some act to make others feel good. More saying what I think, how I feel. Taking what I know to be true, and acting on it more often.

I mentioned in my opening post that I have felt like I have been wondering through life with one square foot. It's time to learn how to walk, even if it's with one square foot. I've been a lot of places in my time. I've had the opportunity to do a lot of things. I have had the opportunity to learn from many people. I have had the opportunity to teach many people. I have followed the lead of others, and I have myself been a leader. I have very few regrets. If I had it all to do over again, I would make the same choices over again, except for a few things.

I need to learn how to increase my ability to earn. I have gone most of my life taking whatever has been offered. I need to take steps to change that. Especially now that I have a family of my own. We get by, but that's not enough. I'm not being materialistic or selfish. Our needs are growing and so my ability to earn must increase. I need to increase my ability to assert. I am far to passive. I have never played the victim, but I need to be more of a hero. I need to be more confrontational. I'm not looking for a fight, but I need to stand up for what's right more. I need to be the voice of righteousness, or maybe it would be better to say that people ought not to have to search out what is righteousness, for they will hear it from me. I will continue to dream, but my dreams will expand. One thing I firmly believe is that you can never dream too much.

So, maybe that's enough to start with. What do we have so far? Productiveness, assertiveness, righteousness, dreams. Maybe that's too much already, but maybe it's a good start.

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